How would you describe a Coca-Cola can? Go ahead. Try. Seems a simple enough task, right? And it is. There’s no right or wrong. But, there might be something we can learn from someone’s repose to a question like this. Some might use words like, “aluminium”, “cold” and “Red with white writing on it”. They wouldn’t be wrong; these are facts. You could argue someone who lists these words was a logical thinker. Someone else might use words like, “Dark and fizzy” or “Bubbly”, and move towards describing the contents of the can. Again, nothing wrong with that. But maybe this individual is a little more creative. Finally, someone else might discuss the Christmas advert, and how the brand, Coco-Cola, reminds them of "happy times with family and friends”. This is a true example of someone who ‘thinks outside the box’. But, would it be right to categorise people on their response to this question? Probably not.
How about defining who we are by our music choice? Or by how we like to spend our free time? Sometimes, that is possible, but more in some ways than in others. See, this starts linking to identity, and how we see ourselves, and other people. What we’re really interested in here is defining ourselves by our personality, and sometimes, that isn’t always easy, or practical.
Personality is the way in which we act (our behaviour), think (our cognitions) and the way we feel (our emotional patterns). All of this combines to make us who we are. Importantly, this evolves over time, and comes partly from our parents (our biological make up) and partly from the people who we spend time with (our environment). There is no general, agreed upon definition, but it is largely accepted that most theories focus on motivation and psychological interactions within our environment.
When we think about personality, we often think about defining ourselves, or others, as bubbly and outgoing (extrovert), or shy and reserved (introvert). These are two extremes on a spectrum of numerous personality types, which include: openness; conscientiousness; agreeableness; and neuroticism. More importantly, though, you might be able to identify people in your life - your support network - who offer you help in certain ways at particular times. For example, the person who you go to in times of crisis, the person you go to for advice, or the person you go to when you want cheering up. Arguably, each of these people could be identified as having different personality types. There are tests available that you can take to tell you your personality type. This information is often used by employers to discover how a new recruit would fit into their existing staff. These tests are also used in team sports to identify which athletes could be assigned certain roles in the team, or for a particular match.
These tests are falling out of favour though, because they focus on personality, generally. They assume personality is a static, fixed trait that stays true, and unchanged, regardless of context. That isn’t always the case, is it? We all have the ability to be kind and considerate when we want, or need, to be. But we can also stand our ground, and argue our case when we feel it necessary in a given scenario. Indeed, the “shy" person at school, could be centre stage in a different setting. Personality varies according to the context we are in. It doesn’t define us, as was once believed. It’s flexible. It’s variable. But, it offers us a boundary to work within, and like an anchor, it keeps us rooted.
Why’s that important? Well, because it means your teacher at school might seem confident, stood at the front of the room, delivering his or her class to a group of 30 school children. But, if we placed them on the sports field, and asked them to coach you, they wouldn’t be so outgoing, and would probably appear shy, and reserved. In the same way, if you don’t feel you’re confident at school, it doesn’t mean you can’t be confident in your sport. That’s a powerful message. Remember, personality depends on your context. It doesn’t define you. We can learn to “act” confident in certain situations - we can learn to be confident athletes.
So, personality tries to package our thoughts and actions into a neat, summarised term. However, another way to describe us, as individuals, is to list our personal qualities. The focus here is on what makes us, us. It’s about highlighting the qualities we feel make us who we are. Think about some ways you might describe yourself. You can keep it generic, or specific to a particular aspect of your life. List them. Kind of hard, right? We don’t often take time to praise ourselves, or be positive about ourselves. Most people find it easier to list some things they’ve achieved. That’s a great place to start, and celebrating those little wins is crucial. However, once you have a list of achievements, start thinking about how those achievements were possible. See, our achievements are important, and they make us feel good about our abilities, which links to our confidence. But they’re often out of our control, so they can be very fluid, which make self-confidence variable too, creating excessive highs, and plummeting lows. Getting confidence this way, essentially means we hand our confidence to other people or events. Importantly, personal qualities - the traits that helped you make those achievements possible - are more fixed and stable. These qualities build your self-belief, and that’s more important than self-confidence.
In summary…
There really are numerous fates beyond our traits. Personality does not define us, or restrict us. Focus on your personal qualities - the things that have helped your achievements to date possible. That’s what will build your self-belief, which is more stable than self-confidence. Importantly, focussing on building your self-belief will pull you through those patches when you feel your confidence is low. Out on the sports field, it is possible to act however you want, or deem appropriate. But don’t be scared to be you. No one is better at being you, than you! Own your moment. Deliver your best. Remember, the biggest thing we have in common are our differences.
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